Tag Archives: age play


by Rich Moreland, August, 2015

This is the sixth installment of the Mercy West narrative.

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Ageism, or age disparity, is an issue that occasionally pops up in the American dating (and marriage) scene. Statistically, the percentage of wide age gaps in relationships is pretty small and we don’t hear much about it other than the occasional nanny or babysitter who is romanced by dad.

bogart 2The exception is the entertainment industry.

Don’t forget Humphrey Bogart was forty-four when he met Lauren Bacall, aged nineteen, on the set of To Have and Have Not. They enjoyed twelve years of marriage until Bogey’s untimely death at age fifty-seven. And Woody Allen hooked up with Soon-Yi Previn. He was fifty-six at the time; she a crisp twenty-one.

Within the adult film population, younger women and older men (sometimes twenty years or more) is not at all uncommon. The middle-aged crowd runs the studios, male performers hang around well into their forties and beyond (Evan Stone and Tom Byron are in their fifties), so young girls out with guys twice their age is part of the business and hardly a soul notices.

So it is with Mercy West. Her boyfriend is not part of the porn world, but he is older. Asking her about the difference reveals some interesting thoughts.

Daddy/Little Whatever

The first question that comes to mind is the Daddy thing, particularly in the BDSM community.

A Daddy's girl Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Daddy’s girl
Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Kink has its attitudes. Mercy comments that she has worked on fetish shoots with vanilla girls who were not part of the BDSM community. They “are far more timid to talk about their older partners than any of the girls that I’ve run across in the BDSM scene,” she observes.

Mercy notices that often these Porn Valley girls “will say it under their breath.” Her reaction is, “Well, that’s cool. My partner is fifty-seven.”

The ageism “dynamic” is long-standing (it’s called age play) in BDSM, Mercy says. The “Daddy/daughter” or “Daddy/little . . . you know, whatever combination you want to have” is well established in the fetish scene and doesn’t raise an eyebrow. “It’s really nothing to hear, ‘Oh, there is a BDSM model. She’s young, she’s tiny, she’s pretty, she has a Daddy.”

What accounts for the difference?  It may be that mainstream porn appeals more to a Middle America missionary position sexuality than we’d like to admit. Here’s why.

stagatclinton02The liberal 1960s changed the perception of filmed pornography. Times were chaotic and older guys didn’t want to watch females resembling their daughters on-screen when the neighborhood boy’s night out surreptitiously held a stag film showing. Generally, older women (assumed prostitutes) appeared in those black and white clips performing with males who often wore their socks.

By the hippie revolution, young women were ready and willing to take off their clothes for pornographers. Not only were they barely legal in some cases, but so were their film partners, setting up the 1970s and the birth of modern adult film.

Once porn moved into its corporate age and reliable men were, and still are, difficult to find, older dudes and younger women were not news. Though the typical girl has a career of a few months to a year or so, guys in porn last for decades, widening the age gap with every shoot.

Flock Together

Age disparity is a popular bondage theme (schoolgirl spanking, for example) but is more than that in reality. Personal relationships can develop because females mature faster than males and in BDSM, there’s a cerebral component that doesn’t appear in vanilla sexuality.

Vanilla porn fans love to see gonzo elements such as deep-throating, DPs, and anal . . . but it’s the girl’s popularity that sells the movie. In BDSM, the fetish drives the scene. Negotiations establish play and fans don’t need over-the-top sex acts to enjoy the shoot.

Measuring the maturity of play partners, however, is important. No one wants to deal with young and dumb when it comes to rough play. Someone could really get hurt. Then there is the subspace issue that requires monitoring. Inexperienced subs can lose track of their awareness, s0 a well-schooled dominant is worth gold.

There is another very significant factor. BDSM lifestylers tend to flock together. There are clubs, munches, conferences, what have you, designed for kinksters to meet and greet. Social media (Fetlife predominates) fosters a worldwide network of interested people of all varieties, with age being dismissed as irrelevant . . . not something vanilla online dating sites promote or speed dating at a local establishment encourages.

Having said that, Mercy’s partner, Howard, did not meet her under any of typical circumstances. It was business.

Likes to Watch My Work

At work on a bondage shoot Photo courtesy of Mercy West

At work on a bondage shoot
Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Mercy explains that when she worked in phone sex, her employer became an inadvertent cupid. “I met him [Howard] through her and we hit it off. We started to see each other more often and our relationship just sort of blossomed.” Out of that came “an open polyamorous relationship” that is more than satisfactory for all involved.

Everyone gets along well. In other words, Howard’s “other partner has her partner,” Mercy says. Despite the potential changes that might evolve, their arrangement remains strongly “emotional and physical.” Howard loves coffee and weed (for West Coasters, weed is not considered a drug) and has a variety of fascinating jobs and hobbies.

“We connect on so many levels,” Mercy interjects, while being “different on other levels . . . but it somehow works.”

Best of all, she says, Howard “is totally supportive of my work, thinks I’m going to do great things, and he likes to watch my work with me.”

No Drama

There you have it. In adult film, older men support their younger girlfriends getting it done in front of the camera. There’s no drama, no “I want you to quit so I don’t have to say my woman is in porn,” Mercy says. Girls love that and adore their daddies, as a result.

Mercy explains what I’ve heard repeatedly in the industry.

“Why is it that girls in the industry, whether it be vanilla, alternative, fetish, BDSM, whatever . . . tend to have older partners? I have always dated older people, between five and twenty-five years older. I don’t deal with drama well and at that point most people have gotten past the jealousy and are open and flexible. They are willing to be realistic, honest, and communicative. That’s what you need when you work in the adult industry and deal with people on a sexual level on a regular basis.

I don’t like the idea of having a flaky partner, someone who feels the need to come to every shoot with me, who questions me up and down and threatens to leave me after every shoot.”

Mercy knows what works.

Sometimes too much drama drives a girl to . . . well, smile and bear it. Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Sometimes too much drama drives a girl to . . . well, smile and bear it.
Photo courtesy of Mercy West

“I’m not saying that all twenty-somethings will do that [raise objections], but finding someone that is worldly and has lived life somewhat and has realistic expectations of a relationship and of love, it’s just worth so much more than just dating someone younger because society says I should.”

Truth be told, here is the bottom line.

“It’s a tough job working in the adult industry and you need understanding, caring, and accommodating people and that tends to be older guys, if you are into guys. I like older women, too . . . Age doesn’t really come into play . . . it doesn’t come into my thought process.”

As if to hammer everything home, Mercy concludes, “You need someone who isn’t going to cause drama, is going to support you and knows what’s up. Like I said, realistic expectations . . . that’s very, very, very important.”

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by Rich Moreland, June 2015

Being in the midst of writing book number two on the adult film industry, I decided to take a time out to compose a series of articles on a girl I’ve recently come to know. She is a sweetheart of many flavors.

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Welcome Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Photo courtesy of S. Thanatos

How to describe a girl whose on-screen image leaves an impression fetish aficionados can’t shake: a calculated disheveled look that captures the heart of every BDSMer? Try this, a natural body with understated and controlled ink seductively placed to entice the eye with a simple message, “I’m here, let’s play a little?”

Pass as Vanilla

There’s nothing Southern California about Mercy West. She’s more a San Francisco queer porn gamine. Sporting a lovely nose ring that highlights an impish sassiness bordering on bemused self-satisfaction, Mercy allures her fans with a bondage collar extraordinaire. Throw in a penchant for taking marks while making her mark in an industry she has decided to embrace and Mercy wets the screen. No doubt her fans dream of corralling this diminutive lass in a darkened alley, pushing her against the wall and muffling her cries of delight . . . don’t knock over a trash can because trashy is where we’re going.

But that’s only part of the story. Mercy can be cute as the sweet little miss winking at the preacher’s son while the Sunday sermon drones on, ready for a romp with the righteous.

“Because of how I look I can still pass as vanilla in some productions,” Mercy says “But because of my past, I get offers for some quite extreme stuff as well.”

Despite her girlish look, Mercy West is no teenager. In fact, she is a most mature twenty-five. Psychologists know that the brain takes its time reaching adulthood and its ability to make good decisions kicks in around the mid-twenties. Mercy knows what she wants and is ready to move forward. Lucky for her fans, they’re getting the best part of the ride.

Collar and Pearls Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Collar and Pearls
Photo courtesy of S. Thanatos

The Arizona native is wading into adult entertainment with variety—phone sex, web camming, shooting for the extreme BDSM websites Intersec and Paintoy—constructing a resume that moves her confidently in different directions. She is learning her trade. Incidentally, like her experiences, Mercy’s sexuality also is fluid, expanding what her fans will learn to love about her.

Most importantly, Mercy West is honest. “I fell into this business because I saw a group of people I could possibly relate to and a career that I would actually enjoy investing my time in.” Adult entertainment is not for everyone, but in this Tucson girl’s case it rewards a hypersexual attitude that surely eclipses a career in customer and food service.

Pesky Labels

Mercy self-identifies as pan-sexual, gender fluid, and polyamorous, insisting that “I don’t think about a person’s biological sex or chosen gender when I choose partners.”

The current Portland, Oregon resident enjoys men, women, and “other gender fluids and everything in between.” Though she felt like “a sexual outcast” in her adolescent years, “even in some GLBTI (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex) friendly situations,” Mercy is delighted with the sexual kaleidoscope she now emotionally snuggles.

But as the legendary queer porn submissive Madison Young once said, everyone is shoved into a sexual box somewhere, somehow. So when she is pressed, Mercy declares, “pan-sexuality [is] the label I feel most comfortable with.”

Pan-Sexual Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Photo courtesy of Mercy West

Regardless of how she defines herself and those around her, Mercy is having a blast.

“My adventure into the [adult] business has led me to people who are open, accepting, and as excited to work in this industry as I am,” she beams.

But she has more to tell us.

Mercy insists that her gender identification “changes pretty frequently.” Her hair drifts from long to short and her wardrobe is “pretty inconsistent,” though “vintage clothing” is a preference. “Phases” is how she describes her fluidity.

“Sometimes I find myself wanting to use my strap-on with a skinny tattooed bisexual boy I make suck my cock and call me master. Other times I just want to lay back and indulge in a little ‘age play’ with my much older, straight partner.”

Nevertheless, those pesky labels are the bane of Mercy West. She is a biological female, of course, but there is more beneath the obvious. Mercy admits growing “tired of people getting upset [because] I honestly could not tell them what I was.” With a hint of exasperation, she adds, “It took me years to get where I am with my feeling about my sexuality,” insisting that now she is anything but “confused” about her accumulated preferences, statuses, and desires.

As for her love life, Mercy finally realized her modus operandi was different from others. She confesses, “I kept putting myself in ‘manogamish’ relationships that confined me to one primary partner for the sake of  love.'” She felt restricted to “someone else’s idea of what a relationship was supposed to be.”

Primal Photo courtesy of S. Thanatos

Photo courtesy of S. Thanatos

Mercy experienced an epiphany.

“I began to realize that if I wanted to be truly happy I would have to build the life I wanted.” She needed to find “workable sexual and emotional relationships” because monogamy was unreasonably confining and uncomfortable.

“I was actually super unhappy,” Mercy declares, “because of other people’s insecurities and fears, not my own.” It was a Hydra that dominated her personal life, a destructive force brought on by one-on-one relationships.

Now at twenty-five with options ahead of her, Mercy West fondly embraces the words of her partner.

“When we met you had a whole life that I knew nothing about, you have connections with people I don’t know and experience things that I never could. All of those things shape you, the whole person I love. Why would I want to change that? Change the person I fell in love with?”

Rejection is a the real demon when relationships teeter on the abyss of the personally intense. But Mercy’s partner tossed that aside, encouraging her to explore all possibilities.

“Live, love, and grow as much as you can. I’m just happy to be able to walk beside you for at least a little while.”

And so are we because now it’s obvious what getting out of that box is all about, no labels in sight, only phases.

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