by Rich Moreland, February 2015
Holly Heart is a native Californian and veteran of adult film. In her early thirties, she is now a popular MILF performer working regularly for LA’s Porn Valley studios. Her fetish resume is highlighted by her one hundred plus shoots for Kink.com. Holly is one of their most sought after BDSM models.
Our interview continues.
* * * * *
Shooting as a BDSM submissive in adult film can be just another booking or an authentic experience, depending on the model. For some girls who make the transition into the real deal, psychological and emotional changes take place that can be a slow rising tide or a sudden bolt of lightning. My interviews with Kink.com submissives reveal that pathways awakened to discovery are very personal as illustrated in two earlier posts on this blog, Casey Calvert and Dylan Ryan.
Holly Heart now joins these performers, putting her own spin on her transformation.
The Milk Bucket
A self-assurance emerged after Holly’s shoot with James Mogul’s TTO.
“When I started doing live scenes like The Upper Floor [and] being in front of an audience doing what they are telling me to do, I started to get this slave confidence that I could obey, confidence that I could be prestigious, that I could do what I’m told in a timely manner.”
Inspiration lights up Holly’s eyes as she describes her transformation. Her intensity increases and she borders on proselytization, reinforcing my belief that BDSM adherents have their own faith, a kind of conversion that leads to peace and an affirmation of their minds and bodies.
“That’s when I started to really feel it,” she says. “It’s almost like the unknown is gone and now you can really be what you want to be because what was clouding you has been removed. Only a submissive in the BDSM community can really understand it [and] you have so much fun doing it.”
Holly has expanded her Kink experiences. Over “the last five years,” she declares, her life has “changed dramatically” because of them.
“It’s made me more respectful, it’s made me a kinder, more compassionate person, more understanding and I’m really grateful for that [and] for the community [and] for all the people that had the patience to teach me.”
Holly praises Matt Williams. “He was so gracious with me. He was my first Dom ever.” Her initial shoot was for Device Bondage, the Kink website Matt directed at the time. To make her experience proceed well, Matt employed Rain DeGrey be on the set for Holly’s live show.
“I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was I had read books about bondage and I wanted to be a slave. It enticed me, it was glorifying to me to be a slave, to be on that pedestal, just to be there and be a part of that. To be available for service is just hot and sexy! It just feels good!”
Holly dips into an amusing episode during the shoot: the crew put some hot sauce between her legs.
“I was sweaty and writhing and it was so painful! At the end of the shoot I’m thinking, ‘Oh, hot sauce on your tongue? Get some milk.’ Rain brings me two buckets of milk and I’m sitting in them during the [post-shoot] interview. That was my introduction to BDSM,” she laughs.
Years later Holly came to understand that she’s “a freaking masochist,” as she puts it. More live shoots at Kink, which she characterizes as “a really amazing experience and a really amazing journey,” reinforced that new sexual self-definition.
In it’s own way, perhaps BDSM is religious-like, certainly it’s emotional impact on those who love it is intense.
It’s time to talk about something I like to bring up in these kinds of conversation: mindfucks.
Holly smiles broadly and tells me she has two great stories she will share.
“I was afraid of the hot sauce. In my head I knew that the sauce was never going to be there again because it was on my “no” list (like everyone in the BDSM community, professional or amateur, Kink honors a submissive’s hard limits, those things that are off the board in a shoot.)
“I was on the set with Lochai for Hogtied many years ago (Lochai has since left the company and now resides in Baltimore). He tied me up to a wall with my legs and arms spread with a bowling ball crotch harness attached to me. Then he had a zipper (cord with clothespins) on my tits and stomach.”
Lochai, whose personality is humor built on a flair for rigging that is widely respected in the community, pulls out a bottle.
“I don’t know what it is,” Holly relates, “but for some reason I thought it was the sauce. I got really scared and [in my eyes] you can see the fear. He sprays my face with it and it was baby oil!” Lochai is playing the mental dodge ball that spices up his shoots.
“He sprays my whole body and rips off the zipper. I was so thinking about the sauce that my mind was in a whole other place that I didn’t even feel the zipper!”
Holly then offers an example of subspace in a recent Sexually Broken episode for Real Time Bondage, a current Matt Williams site. She describes being “bent in half” with arms and legs tied down. Matt and his associate Jackhammer are penetrating her mouth and vagina, “just back and forth, back and forth, no-stop simultaneously,” she says.
“I literally went into this complete moment of subspace where nothing existed. It was like a perfect moment where I only thought of that moment and my brain tuned out and my body just went completely limp. It was like I never wanted that feeling to stop. It’s an addiction.” She adds a cautionary note. “Because they are professionals,” the director and crew recognize when a girl is closing in on that psychological dreamland.
Should a submissive teeter near the edge, monitoring her emotional balance takes over. “They know that you are zoning out and you are going to pass out any second because you feel so good.” But Holly understands she is safe because the filming will stop if a dangerous turn in the road is coming up.
Incidentally, subspace often prohibits a submissve from using her safeword. Some models tell me they self-monitor during filming to avoid losing control so they will not be accidentally injured. Casey Calvert, for example, reserves subspace for her private life, preferring to maintain total awareness when working professionally.
Bear in mind, Holly Heart is a veteran BDSMer. This is not Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s a community of people who understand and appreciate their fetishes and are careful in their play. She joins the best professional submissives I’ve written about such as Madison Young, Casey Calvert, Rain DeGrey, and Dylan Ryan who are very aware of the sensitive nature of subspace.
Holly ranks the Sexually Broken shoot among her best. “It was the most amazing experience, especially being in the community now for so long.” This California girl understands she is able to put herself in that situation and, as she says, “really feel the utmost pleasure and not be afraid.”
Reading the Body
Holly and I have something in common, sports. As a former triathlete and marathoner, I bring up the “runner’s high” that causes the endurance athlete to transcend the stress of the race. Her interest sparked, Holly mentions adrenaline. “I love to run, too, and I get that runner’s high.” Like yours truly, Holly is also a weightlifter to go along with her aerobic fitness and it shows in her taut body that, by the way, serves her well in another line of Kink shoots she loves, Ultimate Surrender, girl wrestling that ends in good sex. The site is widely (and wildly) popular among Kink models and is shot before a live audience.
Holly promotes the feel good aspect of working out.
“I think we need to express that to people unfamiliar with [the benefits of exercise]. You can get this natural high from your body that is actually good and its not going to harm you, its actually going to be better for your life.”
This avid sports girl then makes a quick transition to demystify BDSM. “We’re not hurting each other when we are doing corporal punishment. We know the body’s limit. We educate ourselves on [changes in skin color for blood flow] and the way a person writhes when they are getting spanked, caned, or flogged. Reading the body language, eye contact, facial expressions, that is what makes a professional dominant so good.”
Fetish education is integral to the BDSM community, Holly explains. “If we could get the world to understand that, then the world may be more open to it.”
* * * * *
Part Three of my interview with this extraordinary woman is coming next. She’ll discuss switching and learning from Kink’s Princess Donna.